I’m an overpacker. I freely admit it. It’s been my experience that, whatever I decide not to bring, I will invariably need. If I don’t pack my umbrella because the weather report said it would be crystal-clear-sunny, it’ll pour three out of the five days I’m there. If none of the restaurants specified fancy dress in the Fodor’s listing and I leave my skirt at home, I’ll be invited to the opera. It’s just the way of the world.
I don’t mind lugging around extra items if I know I’ll use them. It’s another thing entirely when I’m lugging around all these items and find out later that I’ve forgotten half of the really important things that one needs on a trip, like shampoo and a toothbrush and such.
This usually happens in some level or another whenever I go on a trip, but on my latest trip to Germany, I took this ludicrousness to a completely new level.
In justification, I was attending a wedding, which required makeup, hair-care detritus, fancy dress and heels, and presents. The space on my carry-on was reserved solely for a pair of crystal candlesticks and the first two books of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower. A curling iron and hair dryer take up a lot of space, don’tcha know.
When my connecting flight got delayed, ensuing a flight switch and a day’s layover, and my checked bag became lost in Luggage Hell, a blinding illumination came to me:
I was the quintessential Don’t Bee.
You would think I would have paid attention to Lynn’s article about the fabulousness of packing light and carry-ons in general. Alas. I’m a high-maintenance girl, and not so good at packing light. Especially when a wedding is involved.
Are you high-maintenance as well? Do you wish to know the wrong ways to travel? Read below, and you’ll find the secrets to becoming a first-class Don’t Bee like me!
Abby’s Don’t Bee List
1. A heavy suitcase
Clocking in at 37 pounds, this rolling suitcase is bulky, unwieldy, and has to be checked, guaranteeing that, when your flight gets delayed and re-booked, your bag will be in Tijuana while you’re waiting morosely at the airport. A sure-fire way to start your trip off with a bang! Then, enjoy the fun of carrying your bag up three flights of stairs in 90 degree weather to your room!
2. No alarm clock
 Alarm clock: 4 Euro. Battery: 1 Euro. Not having to turn on the television to find out what time it is: priceless. |
Doesn’t every hotel overseas come with a clock in the room? Isn’t that, like, standard? Not in Europe! If you want to ensure a sleep-free night, be sure to leave this little baby at home so that you’re starting awake every two hours, checking to see if dawn has broken!
3. No map
Does this street run north or south? How far is it to the Studentenkarzer? Am I even in the right city? After all, going to AAA before your trip and picking up a map of your destination is far too easy. Much better to stand in the middle of the street, peering at your oh-so-bulky Fodor’s, cleverly broadcasting yourself as a tourist!
4. No documented hotel reservations
What do you mean, you reserved this hotel in January? Did you get a confirmation? Do you happen to have the confirmation with you? Be sure to not print out all the important information that documents your trip from A to Z, and you too can wind up at your destination without a place to lay your head!
5. Bring your electronic appliances from home
By the time you factor in the price of universal converters, the space the appliances take up in your suitcase, and how much it will cost for you to replace said appliances when the 125v/250v conversion fries them to pieces even though you used the converter, it would have been worlds cheaper for you to just buy your hair dryer and curling iron from the little shop across the street from your hotel. Even if you’re never coming back to Europe ever again!
6. Invest in expensive, designer luggage
That luxury leather suitcase will be bounced, bashed, spun around, and smashed in every imaginable position before, during, and after your flight. Who doesn’t want to purchase a glorified purse that doesn’t have wheels or a handle, and has a good chance of coming down the carousel looking like a semi ran over it?
7. No sense of humor
Numbers one through four of this list all happened to me on my trip. No joke.
But the secret to enjoying a trip—and life, in general—is rolling with the punches. A sense of humor will get you through tight situations, and also results in less stress for you in the long run.
My bag arrived in Germany before me, but that means it was waiting for me when I got there. I had to carry it from train to train and up flights of stairs, but it was a good workout. So I forgot my alarm clock—the next day, I bought one from the store next door. I didn’t have a map? Fodor’s works well enough, and there are always travel checkpoints at the train station, staffed by kind people. Hotel reservation didn’t go through? Fortunately, there were rooms available at the same location for the same price I was quoted back in January.
I’ve found that many travel guides give you directions how not to be a Don’t Bee. Some of these directions, though, don’t really determine your Bee status. Below are a few of these, debunked:
Abby’s List of Charactaristics that Seem Like Don’t Bee Tendencies, But Really Aren’t
Waiting to pack until one or two days before the trip
There is nothing wrong with procrastination. Besides, most of the items that will be going with me are items that I need on a daily basis. I know what’s going in my suitcase. It’s all in my head. The hard part is deciding what you’re going to take. The actual ‘packing,’ pfft—that’s the easy part.
Getting to the airport only an hour in advance.
Actually, this gives you just enough time to check in and get to your gate with minimal time spent staring into a cup of coffee at the airport café. Disclaimer: I am not responsible for those of you who miss your flights due to unforeseen traffic jams or other catastrophes from following this note of advice.
Not have everything planned beforehand.
As long your hotels are booked, the world is your oyster. There’s plenty of time on the plane, or the train, or at breakfast at your hotel, to decide your plan of action for the ensuing days.
Sometimes, you just can’t help being a Don’t Bee. A lot of times, you can. If you find yourself swarming with calamities while you’re traveling, just remember to roll with the punches. You’ll swing from Don’t Bee to Do Bee with very little effort—and have some great stories to tell when you return to your native soil.
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